W3 Started With A Failure

Sunday I failed.

I didn't get up to go to the gym because I planned to go with my wife while the kids were at my mom's. Kids didn't feel up to visiting mom, so wife didn't go to gym, so I procrastinated all day long and ended up not going either.

I told myself all day that I should go. Then as it got later, I told myself that I'd just walk around the block when the kids went to bed. I didn't do any of that. I sat and watched YouTube all day long.

Today, I snoozed once, but got up and got to the gym and did my 25 mins on the treadmill. So it's a partial victory, but better than a failure.

W2: D5 - My Shirt Doesn't Feel As Tight As It Used To

This morning, when my phone went off, I hit snooze, and fell back asleep for 8 minutes (what a weird arbitrary number that iPhones use for snooze).

Then, when it went off again, I immediately cursed myself for letting myself hit snooze.

The dark-side nearly won today.

Then I went and did my 25 minutes on the treadmill, and 10-15 min working biceps and triceps. I spent an extra 10 minutes at the gym to make up for my lapse in snooze discipline.

I noticed yesterday that the shirt I was wearing wasn't as tight across my belly as I'm used to. I don't know if the shirt was just stretched out, or if my clothing is starting to fit differently already...I want to say it's just a baggy shirt, but I want to hope that it's my body changing.

W2: D4 - Each Day is a Little Victory

It seems like week 2 is going to be my struggle week so far.

I had a big fight inside my head this morning. Last night I was feeling poorly when I went to bed - something like the beginning of a cold - and it was really hard for me to convince myself that I'm not sick.

But, the light-side (life changes for the better) won against the dark-side (procrastination and depression).

This time.

Each day I get to the gym, I'm counting as a little victory. Even though I only did 25 minutes of cardio, even though I walked at a slightly slower pace than yesterday, I'm still there, putting in the time, not letting my dark-side win.

Day 3 - A Trial of My Willpower

This morning almost beat me.

I almost hit the snooze button. I almost stayed in bed. I lay there thinking how much another 30 minutes of sleep would feel *so good*.

Then I swung my legs out of bed and sat up on the edge of it.

Then I forced myself to stand up, and get moving.

At the gym, at about minute 12 on the treadmill, I was thinking: 25 minutes is going to take *so long* but I put my head back down and kept on walking.

At 18 minutes I thought: I can start my cool down now, what's a few minutes less of that?

At 22 minutes I thought: why cool down for 5 whole minutes?

At 25:02 I hit stop in the treadmill and walked away to the cable machines to work biceps and triceps for a few minutes, victory in hand.

I beat my own demons, my own laziness, my own habits of procrastination and cheating myself.

Day 3, in the books.

First Gym Day

I made it to the gym for the first time in this new phase.

I've decided to go in the morning before work, with enough time to go home and shower and maybe eat before leaving to work. This is a challenge for me for a few reasons.

1 - I love to sleep
2 - I hit the snooze button about 50 times every morning
3 - I take a med that forces me to sleep for 8 hours which means
    3a - I have to go to bed early

So, I've decided that it's been 10 years since I got fat, and I'm tired of hating myself in the mirror and failing to do something about it.

It's time to get real. Time to fix my health. Time to get back under 200 lbs.

I walked for 15 minutes, and rode a recumbent bike for 10. I'll be working on getting both the time and intensity of those activities as I go forward. Also will be adding some basic strength training to the mix.

Distraction and Diets

For the last 2 nights I've been totally distracted getting my Twitch stream setup to work with 2 computers through an Elgato HD60. That sentence means something to probably 3% of people who will read this post.

Long story short - because I was fighting technology to bend it to my will, I didn't eat much at all. I had a half a chicken breast and some mini-pretzels with about 1 tbsp of ranch dressing last night, and that's all I had. For lunch, I had a bit of lettuce with mixed cheese and bleu cheese dressing. Maybe 3 oz total of food. And I wasn't hungry at all! I had to force myself to eat the pretzels at 9:30 or I was going to be out of my window and low on calories.

This morning, I woke up feeling shaky. Listening to my body, the way the experts tell you to, I went ahead and had a half-cup of fresh orange juice. That took care of the shakes, and the rest of my day has been great!

I'm 1 hour from feeding time, and I'll be partaking of another iceberg lettuce and bleu cheese lunch. I might throw in a small baggie of cheetos or something, just for the calories.

I'm really interested to see how things measure up on Saturday.

If you're curious about my streaming setup for Twitch, feel free to ask in comments below. I've been streaming for 2 years now, and I've gathered a lot of information about it (even though I usually have zero viewers). Check out my channel RabidMonkee and follow me on Twitter to know when I go live.

Time Keeps On Slipping Slipping

I noticed that my time is slipping.

I started this on 16:8, 16 hours of fasting, 8 hours of feeding (2pm to 10pm so I can have dinner with the family).

Then I noticed that I'd stop eating around 9 instead of 10.

Today I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:40, almost an hour past my start-eating time, and last night I again stopped at 9. So today was actually 18 hours of fasting.

I feel great!

I used to be able to eat an entire box of Mac-n-Cheese by myself. Last night I barely got through 3/5 of a box before I had to push it aside. I used to make sure I'd finish what I took, even if I was over full, but not last night. No interest.

So, I think it's...working!

Also, I know daily scale checks are damaging. I'm stopping that (got batteries for our scale). 2 days ago I was 290, this morning I was 286. From this point on, I'm only checking weekly on Saturdays with the rest of my measurements.

Day 5 Complete

Day 5 was easy.

No, that's not true.

I still have to think about it all morning and remind myself not to go get some food. Part of the problem is that I'm in a lull at work.

The nature of our business means that we have a sort of feast/famine routine where we work like crazy for a few months, then we have a few weeks between sales pushes where we have a bit less to do. After working like crazy, those lulls feel like nothing is happening.

With no work to distract me, the time goes by at a crawl, and that gives me lots of time to think about the fact that I'm not eating.

Also, 10pm seems to come earlier each night...I think "oh, I'll go grab a snack before my fast starts again" and look at the clock and it's 11pm.

Again, my shirts are definitely starting to feel a bit less tight around my belly, but without a scale I don't know for certain if that's just water loss - I've been peeing a lot more during my fasts - or that I'm actually losing some size already. It would be incredible if it's already starting to change my body composition!


Around (the widest part of my belly)
57.5"

Waist
48"

Day 4 of IF on the books

I found myself watching the clock more than the other days this time.

I actually stopped eating around 9pm - that's when we put the kids to bed - so I technically did 17:7.
Then, last night, due to bedtime again, I didn't feel like I got enough calories in before 10, so I had a glass of milk at 11, so today will be 15:9.

I don't think it matters much, these hour+/- differences, as long as I get into a fasted state for a good amount of time.

I don't own a scale, so I have no idea if it's working yet or not, but I sort of feel like my shirts might not be as tight...not really sure yet.

So, here goes day 5, and I'm already hungry at 9am...I'm sure there will be days like this all over the place. I will not break my fast, though!

IF: 003 done, 004 in progress

Last night was the end of fast period 3.

I was hungry for a bit, but carbonated water with lemon did a good job keeping me hydrated and fighting the empty stomach feelings.

I had some pizza for dinner with the kids, and it didn't taste the same, kind of weird and off tasting, but the rest of the family didn't seem to notice. I ended up just picking the pepperoni and cheese off and leaving most of the bread. It's almost like my body is telling me to get into the keto zone, even though that's not my goal right now.

So, diet aside, I want to talk about mental health and medications.

A year ago this spring, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD), Bipolar disorder, and adult ADHD. I also have PTSD, but not related to my military service - it's from when I got mengeoencephalitis and ended up in the hospital for 9 days in December of 2014. I don't remember that Christmas, or most of that December, really. It's bizarre.

I take Seroquel (quetiapine) 300 mg, which levels out my bipolar swings. I have to take it at night because it forces me into an 8 hour sleep cycle (it's used off-label as a sleep medicine). It raises my heart rate and blood pressure while it's in my system. My resting heart rate went up an average of 10 bps, and my blood pressure is in the mild hypertensive zone now. I cut out iodized salt and only eat non-iodized, which lowered my BP significantly.

My psychiatrist just recently added Rexulti (brexpiprazole) 1mg to my regime because I was having depression. He is hoping the combination will keep me from feeling depressed and angry while not triggering a manic episode. After 4 days taking it, the wife told me today that she definitely feels like I seem happier.

The problem: 2 days in a row now I've gotten sudden nose bleeds when I strain or bend over to do something like tie my shoes. I got 2 yesterday - one when I stretched in bed, and another when I moved position on the couch last night. That last one lasted over 30 minutes and triggered a panic attack. I ended up taking a Xanax to both lower my BP and try to stop panicking (dudes aren't used to bleeding, and I'm a real baby about it). Eventually the combination of the Xanax, a ton of paper towels, and some Afrin, it finally quit.

I don't know if it's related to the Rexulti that we just added this week, or just because of the cold, dry weather...but I hope it stops soon.

IF: 002

Day 2, Intermittent Fasting (IF)

I got some flavored water last night. I thought I was getting LaCroix-like unsweetened, but instead what I got was "Clear American" which has aspartame in it.

So, today I felt more hungry. I stayed home from work due to a broken down car, so I was around the bacon and eggs smell from the kids' breakfast. I didn't have work to distract me, and I had the sweet taste of the water.

I still stuck it out until 2pm, so it was a success. But, I found myself prowling the kitchen for carbs. I'm not allowing myself processed sugar, but I haven't gone "full keto" yet - if I ever do. I just love bread and pasta too much for keto to be a sustainable lifestyle choice.

Anyways, in 30 minutes, my 3rd fasting period starts. I'll let you know how it goes.