Day 3 - A Trial of My Willpower

This morning almost beat me.

I almost hit the snooze button. I almost stayed in bed. I lay there thinking how much another 30 minutes of sleep would feel *so good*.

Then I swung my legs out of bed and sat up on the edge of it.

Then I forced myself to stand up, and get moving.

At the gym, at about minute 12 on the treadmill, I was thinking: 25 minutes is going to take *so long* but I put my head back down and kept on walking.

At 18 minutes I thought: I can start my cool down now, what's a few minutes less of that?

At 22 minutes I thought: why cool down for 5 whole minutes?

At 25:02 I hit stop in the treadmill and walked away to the cable machines to work biceps and triceps for a few minutes, victory in hand.

I beat my own demons, my own laziness, my own habits of procrastination and cheating myself.

Day 3, in the books.

First Gym Day

I made it to the gym for the first time in this new phase.

I've decided to go in the morning before work, with enough time to go home and shower and maybe eat before leaving to work. This is a challenge for me for a few reasons.

1 - I love to sleep
2 - I hit the snooze button about 50 times every morning
3 - I take a med that forces me to sleep for 8 hours which means
    3a - I have to go to bed early

So, I've decided that it's been 10 years since I got fat, and I'm tired of hating myself in the mirror and failing to do something about it.

It's time to get real. Time to fix my health. Time to get back under 200 lbs.

I walked for 15 minutes, and rode a recumbent bike for 10. I'll be working on getting both the time and intensity of those activities as I go forward. Also will be adding some basic strength training to the mix.

Keto Day 22

I started #Keto again 22 days ago.

As of day 20, I was down 19 lbs to 273.

This weekend I had a little trouble hitting my macros and getting in my water, so I have sort of plateaued here for a minute. Getting back on schedule by having to get back to work, I should pick right back up again.

CW: 273
SW: 292
Lost: 19
GW: 180
Left: 93

Week 1, Day 1, #Ketogenic Lifestyle Reboot

Today marks the first day of my ketogenic journey.

Almost 4 years ago, I embarked on changing my eating habits and adopted the ketogenic lifestyle. For 4 months, I was successful, and I lost 40 lbs. Then, the holidays hit, and my resolve dissolved.

Today, I'm rebooting.

I'm not under 20 grams, but I am under 50 for the day so far.

I don't plan on blogging each day, but I'll update at least once a week.

Current Weight: 285lbs
Goal Weight: 190lbs

Kickstarting a New Ketogenic Phase

Hello.
I'm a husband, a dad, and addicted to carbs.

A few years ago, I tried the ketogenic diet. In 4 months I lost almost 40 lbs.

Then, autumn hit, and my mom started baking, and my resolve was dissolved in a flurry of butter cookies. I told myself "We'll just do a modified keto diet, just a few carbs added back in for fun." That was 60 lbs ago.

Since then, I've had some drastic events happen in my life. I contracted meningeoencephalitis which hospitalized me for 9 days. It left me with PTSD and some other harder to define mental deficits. I also, in the course of figuring out how my brain had changed due to that sickness, learned that I am bipolar. Looking back into my past, I can see the peaks and valleys of my manic-depressive cycle,  and my illness triggered the disorder to get an order of magnitude worse.

I'm medicated now, using Seroquel each day, so the effects of my bipolar disorder are less drastic, but it's also not been helpful for my willpower, for whatever reason. I tried just dropping candy from my life, and made it 21 days before I had cake. Then I made it a further 20 days - I didn't lose any weight while off sugar, so I became very disillusioned with the process - before I just quit and went back to my old habits.

I'm currently on the upwards side of 285 lbs. This is the heaviest I've been in my life. I feel it, physically, every minute of the day.

I get winded just tying my shoes.
I can't play physical games with my kids because I get too tired, or my lumbar goes out of whack.
If the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm bait.

So, I'm researching, and I'm planning, two things I barely did last time. Lack of variety was my undoing last time, so I won't make that same mistake.

Something else I didn't do last time was secure the support of my family. I started a diet that wasn't suitable for my wife or kids. This time, I want to have family-friendly menu choices that only require minor adjustments for me, and are still yummy and nutritious for my kids.

After making some lists, some menu plans, and purchasing the right foods for our kitchen, it'll be off again, seeking ketosis.

Previous Post Was A Downer

Wow, that previous post got down in the dumps.

I went to the gym for the last two days, and I feel a lot better today.

On my drive into work this morning, I decided that I think I probably have Depression, and have for quite a long time, but have always called it other things - low self esteem, introvert, shyness, etc. I'm going to see my doctor in two weeks and get started on getting it diagnosed and treated.

My weight got up to 270 by the end of last week. I skipped the gym for the entire week.

Last night, my weight was 265.2, so I feel like I'm back on track.

Tale Of The Tape

Potential for embarrassment: high.

These are my measurements. I'm not proud, I'm not happy. The only silver lining is that my arms are symmetrical, so at least I have that going for me.

Measurements & Body Composition
Girth & Circumference Measurements as of 6/15/15
·         Upper Arm – Bicep (left): 16.25”
·         Upper Arm – Bicep (right): 16.25”
·         Chest: 47.75”
·         Waist (arms at sides, feet together): 46.25”
·         Abdomen (across belly button): 51.5”
·         Hips/Buttocks (feet together): 48”
·         Thigh (left): 26”
·         Thigh (right): 25.75”

Body Mass/Composition Numbers as of 6/15/15 at 12:00 pm – no fasting
·         Weight: 268.4 lbs
·         Body Fat %: 39.7 (healthy range for your gender & age 11 – 22%)
·         Body Water %: 46.1 (Normal Range 50 – 65%)
·         Muscle Mass: 153.8 lbs
·         Physique Rating: 3 (High Fat % w/ High Muscle Mass Index)
·         Metabolic Age: 50
·         Bone Mass: 8.0 (Normal Range 8.1)
·         Visceral Fat: 22 (Healthy Range 1-12)

Basically, the most important numbers here are the body fat percentage and visceral fat rating. Visceral fat is the fat deep inside your body surrounding your organs (viscera, obvs). I've often wondered how I can have a large belly, but still feel strong abs just below a relatively shallow sub-dermal fat layer, and now I know.

The treatment is the same as it is for anyone who is obese: reduced calories; reduced refined starches; reduced saturated and poly fats and increased unsaturated; increased physical activity (cardio mostly, but also strength training).

The main difference is that I don't have to do a bunch of crunches and be disappointed that my belly isn't going away because tighter abs over the top of a bunch of visceral fat is still going to be a big belly.

As much as I hate cardio, it's going to have to become - almost literally - my bread and butter.

Sugar Is More Addictive Than Cocaine

That's what all the headlines are saying these days. Some are reporting a statistic of "8 times more addictive than cocaine".

What I've found is that a lot of these articles are quoting a study that was poorly done, and lacks much credibility. But, that doesn't mean it's not at least partly true. I think that sugar becomes a habit, more than an addiction, but it's a habit that extremely hard to break because of the rewards your brain experiences - sugar fuels every cell in your brain.

This year, I tried to stop eating added sugar and what I call sugar vehicles: candy, desserts, etc. I did really well for 4 months, but then I decided that I could have cake on my birthday, which became my birthday weekend, which became my birthday week, which rolled into my son's birthday week, and I couldn't be rude and not have some of the cake my wife made for him...and the snowball grew until I was back into full swing sugar mode again. I "fell off the wagon" as it were.

I've managed to taper off this week, but I still find myself grabbing something small. Wint-o-green Lifesavers are my kryptonite, and my office stocks a 3 lb bag of them in the break room. It's all to easy to succumb to that smell, and grab a handful on my way to one of the conference rooms, or back to my desk after getting a drink. We also have some granola bars, they're the lower sugar variety compared to some others, but still have 12g of sugar each.

This reminds me that I also started logging food, but I can't keep that up. It's just too annoying to either write down and research, or scan each food's bar code into an app (and if you have fresh food without a bar code, then you're back on the research mode). I do it for a week or two, and then find myself skipping meals, then skipping days, then just uninstalling the app. The accountability is good for me, as well as the educational habit of reading labels, but it's just not a sustainable activity for me in its current form.

New Fitness Plan

For my new gym, I've taken a new path to fitness.

I plan to alternate cardio and strength training, with cardio taking the fore. Previously, I've been content to just strength train - mainly because I get so bored with cardio, and also because I've yet to find a form of cardio that doesn't cause me pain.

My current plan is to do cardio on Mon-Wed-Fri and strength on Tue-Thu, taking the weekends off.

Sundays are my new "Scale day" and I won't weigh myself during the week anymore.

Yesterday was my first cardio day, and I rode a regular upright exercise bike. The first thing I noticed was that it hurt my butt - like, a lot. I figured that this was because I'm not used to supporting all 260 pounds of me on a small portion of my inner ass cheeks. For the record, the discomfort never faded, I just got accustomed to it.

The next thing was that my feet started to hurt, which surprised me. The outer edge of both my feet started to ache, and I think this is because my form is bad. I have to ride somewhat bowlegged in order to get around my gut, which means that I'm putting uneven pressure on my feet, knees, ankles, and hips. Which lead to the 3rd thing I noticed, which happened around the 15-minute mark, my left hip started to ache like it needed to pop or something.

Overall, though, I did manage to ride for 25 minutes and hit my cardio range. I rode something like 4.5 miles, and the machine at one point said "Congrats! You just rode the equivalent of a 5K race" so, there's that. I broke a good sweat, though, so I felt like I accomplished my goal, and I pushed through the pain.

After cardio, I did some core strength work on my abs - my degenerative disc disease, ruptured and bulging discs can only be helped by making my core stronger. Years of being overweight (and an 8-year career pushing around hundreds of tons of cargo per year) have been stressful on my back, and my body shape causes me to carry all of my weight in my lumbar, which is bad. I'm trying to get real strength in my abs, while also strengthening the muscles that line my spine in order to carry that weight with muscle instead of bone and cartilage.

That's it for the time being. I'll post another update with my body measurements as soon as my gym manager sends them to me, in case anyone is curious.

New Era

A brand new Anytime Fitness has opened up shop in the adjoining parking lot to my work building.

I've been venturing over there and watching the construction all winter/spring, and chatting with the owners when I could. I really like their philosophy and the gym itself.

In case you're not familiar, Anytime Fitness gives you a personal key fob that lets you in the doors of the gym any time, day or night. They are staffed during daytime business hours, usually, they have fixed and flexible scheduled classes like TRX and Yoga. They have a meditation room. They have individual shower/dressing rooms (5 at this location, I think).

Pretty much anything I could want as a self-conscious wannabe gym rat with social anxiety.

They worked out a deal with my company where my company subsidizes part of our membership fee, and I pay a greatly reduced fee for access, get free fitness and body evaluations monthly, and 5 free classes per month. On top of that, I really like the owners and staff that I've met so far. It couldn't be a better scenario.

Yesterday I got my body evaluation. Tomorrow I'm having my fitness evaluation.

Body evaluation - no surprises: Obese BMI; high visceral fat; high body fat %; low hydration %. What was surprising was that I have symmetrical biceps, and my quads are only 1/4 inch different (favoring the left because my right knee is giving me lots of pain, I assume).

268.4 lbs. Still 10 pounds under my heaviest  2 years ago, but I want 69 pounds gone, I want to be below 200 lbs. At a reasonable-but-difficult 2 pounds per week average, giving me 8 lbs per month, it will take me 9 months to get to my goal weight.

July is month 1.

Long story made short

I'll write the full story in a future post about my winter, but here's the TL:DR version:

I got meningitis, encephalitis, and pneumonia all at the same time and was hospitalized on Dec 12, 2014. I went into a general seizure in the ER, and was induced into a coma for 4 days, then hospitalized for an additional 5.

A month later, I was back at work, but even today I'm still feeling effects - mainly to do with strange speech issues like fumbling over words or mixing up sentences.

Today, I signed up for a gym membership, and last weekend, I picked up a new Fitbit Charge.

Here's to Starting Over!

257 lbs

050 Breaking it Down

It's been a week since my last post.

I've been hovering at 269 for a while now, and it's pretty depressing, but I'm not doing enough to change it, which is also depressing.

Two nights ago I really started to be annoyed at the fact that I can't just get up and jog, trot, or do anything much more than walk, on the spur of the moment. I used to be able to break into a light run, or even sprint, at will, now I feel like my spine would fall out of my butt and my shins would immediately degrade into splints. I really miss the ease of being able to jog across the street when the crossing signal starts to flash. I find myself having jealous pangs every time I watch an actor break into an easy run.

So, yesterday I took the kids and wife to a running shoe store to get fitted properly for some good shoes. We went to Sole Sports Running Zone, a Phoenix-specific store, and were really pleased with Micaela's attentiveness and knowledge. I'm not putting up this information as an ad, by the way, just informational in case you decide to try them out.

They did video analysis of our running (ok, brisk walk) to see how our pronation was. I had self-diagnosed with over-pronating a couple of years ago, and the video confirmed it. My wife is actually almost perfectly neutral. We each tried on several pair of shoes, different brands and stability levels, I settled on a Mizuno Inspire 8, my wife got something unpronouncable in Nike. We also got some non-cotton socks to go with our new shoes.

My intention is to go out and run/jog/trot/speedwalk around the block at night after the kids are in bed. I failed to try last night, for which I have several excuses, none very valid.

This morning, my weight on the scale is 267.0. Time to get back to business of getting that number down again.

037 267.0

Still paying the price of slacking off for the last week and a half. 267 is a disappointing number, even though it's still 11 pounds lower than I started. I had hoped to be down 16 pounds by now at 2 pounds per week average.

Still, down is better than up.

Keep 

Calm 

and 

Count 

Calories 

...or something.

036 A New Hope

Yesterday started a new dedication to getting back on track.

Then I went out to the bar with my wife - one of the very common things we used to do that has become extremely rare - and had 2 Guinness. We've become teetotalers since the kids were born, it's quite sad.

After the bar, I was starving since I didn't eat dinner before the kids went to bed, so I stopped at Jack-in-the-box. Sourdough Jack burgers are my cryptonite right now. And curly fries.

So, went over the calorie budget, but it was worth it.

I can't believe I have a hangover after 2 beers, though...

028 to 035 - Slacking Off and Giving In

Ever since I took a simple comment personally on Facebook, one that wasn't at all out of place, but just rubbed me wrong, I've lost a lot of motivation.

I talked myself out of logging food. I haven't been drinking nearly enough water. I have been more sedentary than usual. I even hid the feed for the weight loss group my sister-in-law runs on Facebook so that I wouldn't need to watch all of their successes and such.

Then, yesterday was Superbowl, and I started indulging in Bad Things even the night before: Entenmen's donuts, Pringles with sour cream ranch dip, and several pints of beer. Plus eggs and waffles and bacon and sausage, etc.

I've gained back 4 pounds since the last week in January.

Time to get back on the wagon. Fire up the LoseIt app and get to work.

024 Maintaining

My mantra seems to be: not enough water yesterday, finished under calories, didn't do enough exercise.

Gotta change that somehow.

Errata from yesterday: Typo'd the weight. Wrote 256.6 when it should have been 265.6. I didn't suddenly lose 12 pounds.

Calories: -1054
Burned: 3065
Steps: 2281
H2O: 52 oz
Weight: 265.6

023 Making Progress it Seems

My sister-in-law said something the other day that made a bit of sense to me. She said that she was eating too few calories for too many days in a row, and needed to break the budget to surprise her metabolism for a minute.

Based on that, I decided to say yes to a hamburger from Jack-in-the-box last night. Just a sourdough cheeseburger with bacon, and a small curly fries, that's all. I broke my budget by less than 100 calories, but got it back in burned calories from my steps during the day.

I felt like I'd splurged and eaten an entire weeks's worth of fast food in that one sitting. How perspective changes.

Calories: -340
Burned: 3078
Steps: 2038
H2O: 72 oz
Weight: 256.6

022 Still Going in the Right Direction

Weight still going down, even though I didn't drink enough water yesterday and had 2 sandwiches near midnight.

Calories: -26
Burned: 2528
Steps: 2868
H2O: 48 oz
Weight: 267.4

021 In the Hunt

Nothing super exciting happened. I spent the day stressing about some online assessment tests I had to take for possible job placement. Ended up exceeding their expectations, so that's good. Interview went well.

Finished the day with about 50% of my calories left, so I blew them on some whole wheat waffles around midnight - I was starving!

Calories: -753
Burned: 3080
Steps: 1634
H2O: 20 oz
Weight: 267.6

019 H2Oh-No

Still having trouble with water intake. I just don't like the (lack of) taste of it, and powdered flavorants (made up that word) just trigger my IBS. Maybe some lemon would help...

Calories: -709
Burned: 2488
Steps: 2743
H2O: 20 oz
Weight: 269.0