W2: D4 - Each Day is a Little Victory

It seems like week 2 is going to be my struggle week so far.

I had a big fight inside my head this morning. Last night I was feeling poorly when I went to bed - something like the beginning of a cold - and it was really hard for me to convince myself that I'm not sick.

But, the light-side (life changes for the better) won against the dark-side (procrastination and depression).

This time.

Each day I get to the gym, I'm counting as a little victory. Even though I only did 25 minutes of cardio, even though I walked at a slightly slower pace than yesterday, I'm still there, putting in the time, not letting my dark-side win.

Kickstarting a New Ketogenic Phase

Hello.
I'm a husband, a dad, and addicted to carbs.

A few years ago, I tried the ketogenic diet. In 4 months I lost almost 40 lbs.

Then, autumn hit, and my mom started baking, and my resolve was dissolved in a flurry of butter cookies. I told myself "We'll just do a modified keto diet, just a few carbs added back in for fun." That was 60 lbs ago.

Since then, I've had some drastic events happen in my life. I contracted meningeoencephalitis which hospitalized me for 9 days. It left me with PTSD and some other harder to define mental deficits. I also, in the course of figuring out how my brain had changed due to that sickness, learned that I am bipolar. Looking back into my past, I can see the peaks and valleys of my manic-depressive cycle,  and my illness triggered the disorder to get an order of magnitude worse.

I'm medicated now, using Seroquel each day, so the effects of my bipolar disorder are less drastic, but it's also not been helpful for my willpower, for whatever reason. I tried just dropping candy from my life, and made it 21 days before I had cake. Then I made it a further 20 days - I didn't lose any weight while off sugar, so I became very disillusioned with the process - before I just quit and went back to my old habits.

I'm currently on the upwards side of 285 lbs. This is the heaviest I've been in my life. I feel it, physically, every minute of the day.

I get winded just tying my shoes.
I can't play physical games with my kids because I get too tired, or my lumbar goes out of whack.
If the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm bait.

So, I'm researching, and I'm planning, two things I barely did last time. Lack of variety was my undoing last time, so I won't make that same mistake.

Something else I didn't do last time was secure the support of my family. I started a diet that wasn't suitable for my wife or kids. This time, I want to have family-friendly menu choices that only require minor adjustments for me, and are still yummy and nutritious for my kids.

After making some lists, some menu plans, and purchasing the right foods for our kitchen, it'll be off again, seeking ketosis.

Previous Post Was A Downer

Wow, that previous post got down in the dumps.

I went to the gym for the last two days, and I feel a lot better today.

On my drive into work this morning, I decided that I think I probably have Depression, and have for quite a long time, but have always called it other things - low self esteem, introvert, shyness, etc. I'm going to see my doctor in two weeks and get started on getting it diagnosed and treated.

My weight got up to 270 by the end of last week. I skipped the gym for the entire week.

Last night, my weight was 265.2, so I feel like I'm back on track.

050 Breaking it Down

It's been a week since my last post.

I've been hovering at 269 for a while now, and it's pretty depressing, but I'm not doing enough to change it, which is also depressing.

Two nights ago I really started to be annoyed at the fact that I can't just get up and jog, trot, or do anything much more than walk, on the spur of the moment. I used to be able to break into a light run, or even sprint, at will, now I feel like my spine would fall out of my butt and my shins would immediately degrade into splints. I really miss the ease of being able to jog across the street when the crossing signal starts to flash. I find myself having jealous pangs every time I watch an actor break into an easy run.

So, yesterday I took the kids and wife to a running shoe store to get fitted properly for some good shoes. We went to Sole Sports Running Zone, a Phoenix-specific store, and were really pleased with Micaela's attentiveness and knowledge. I'm not putting up this information as an ad, by the way, just informational in case you decide to try them out.

They did video analysis of our running (ok, brisk walk) to see how our pronation was. I had self-diagnosed with over-pronating a couple of years ago, and the video confirmed it. My wife is actually almost perfectly neutral. We each tried on several pair of shoes, different brands and stability levels, I settled on a Mizuno Inspire 8, my wife got something unpronouncable in Nike. We also got some non-cotton socks to go with our new shoes.

My intention is to go out and run/jog/trot/speedwalk around the block at night after the kids are in bed. I failed to try last night, for which I have several excuses, none very valid.

This morning, my weight on the scale is 267.0. Time to get back to business of getting that number down again.

037 267.0

Still paying the price of slacking off for the last week and a half. 267 is a disappointing number, even though it's still 11 pounds lower than I started. I had hoped to be down 16 pounds by now at 2 pounds per week average.

Still, down is better than up.

Keep 

Calm 

and 

Count 

Calories 

...or something.

036 A New Hope

Yesterday started a new dedication to getting back on track.

Then I went out to the bar with my wife - one of the very common things we used to do that has become extremely rare - and had 2 Guinness. We've become teetotalers since the kids were born, it's quite sad.

After the bar, I was starving since I didn't eat dinner before the kids went to bed, so I stopped at Jack-in-the-box. Sourdough Jack burgers are my cryptonite right now. And curly fries.

So, went over the calorie budget, but it was worth it.

I can't believe I have a hangover after 2 beers, though...

028 to 035 - Slacking Off and Giving In

Ever since I took a simple comment personally on Facebook, one that wasn't at all out of place, but just rubbed me wrong, I've lost a lot of motivation.

I talked myself out of logging food. I haven't been drinking nearly enough water. I have been more sedentary than usual. I even hid the feed for the weight loss group my sister-in-law runs on Facebook so that I wouldn't need to watch all of their successes and such.

Then, yesterday was Superbowl, and I started indulging in Bad Things even the night before: Entenmen's donuts, Pringles with sour cream ranch dip, and several pints of beer. Plus eggs and waffles and bacon and sausage, etc.

I've gained back 4 pounds since the last week in January.

Time to get back on the wagon. Fire up the LoseIt app and get to work.

024 Maintaining

My mantra seems to be: not enough water yesterday, finished under calories, didn't do enough exercise.

Gotta change that somehow.

Errata from yesterday: Typo'd the weight. Wrote 256.6 when it should have been 265.6. I didn't suddenly lose 12 pounds.

Calories: -1054
Burned: 3065
Steps: 2281
H2O: 52 oz
Weight: 265.6

023 Making Progress it Seems

My sister-in-law said something the other day that made a bit of sense to me. She said that she was eating too few calories for too many days in a row, and needed to break the budget to surprise her metabolism for a minute.

Based on that, I decided to say yes to a hamburger from Jack-in-the-box last night. Just a sourdough cheeseburger with bacon, and a small curly fries, that's all. I broke my budget by less than 100 calories, but got it back in burned calories from my steps during the day.

I felt like I'd splurged and eaten an entire weeks's worth of fast food in that one sitting. How perspective changes.

Calories: -340
Burned: 3078
Steps: 2038
H2O: 72 oz
Weight: 256.6

022 Still Going in the Right Direction

Weight still going down, even though I didn't drink enough water yesterday and had 2 sandwiches near midnight.

Calories: -26
Burned: 2528
Steps: 2868
H2O: 48 oz
Weight: 267.4

021 In the Hunt

Nothing super exciting happened. I spent the day stressing about some online assessment tests I had to take for possible job placement. Ended up exceeding their expectations, so that's good. Interview went well.

Finished the day with about 50% of my calories left, so I blew them on some whole wheat waffles around midnight - I was starving!

Calories: -753
Burned: 3080
Steps: 1634
H2O: 20 oz
Weight: 267.6

019 H2Oh-No

Still having trouble with water intake. I just don't like the (lack of) taste of it, and powdered flavorants (made up that word) just trigger my IBS. Maybe some lemon would help...

Calories: -709
Burned: 2488
Steps: 2743
H2O: 20 oz
Weight: 269.0

018 A No Care Day

Spent the afternoon with my family looking at books.

First we went to the local public library. Pretty disappointing selection of computer and technology books, and their new categorization scheme, organizing by subject, left much to be desired when looking for something as specific as web development books.

Then we went to a Cracker Barrel for lunch. I wasn't impressed by their food, but my wife has been craving fried okra, which is nearly impossible to find here in Phoenix. I was highly annoyed that you're forced to go through their retail store full of candy and breakables at toddler-height in order to get to the restaurant. Then the menu was just meh to me. Generic schlock that you would expect from any Applebee's or their ilk. I had a 1/2 pound bacon cheeseburger, and I have no idea how many calories I consumed between that and the "steak fries".

Then we hit up Barnes and Noble. I got a book on HTML5 and CSS3, and a magazine from the UK with "22 Projects" to try out using HTML, CSS, Javascript, etc. The book I was really looking for, "HTML5 for Masterminds" wasn't there, but the one I got is pretty high up on my list of books I wanted after that. The kids each got a book, but my wife didn't look at anything for herself. She's going to go spend some time there alone today.

After that, I get to take down the xmas lights. Yay.

I don't have any numbers to report from yesterday, but my weight, which is still 268.0.

016 Stationary Bicycles Start Your Engines

Finally added in stationary recumbent bicycle last night. 30 minutes on the "hill" setting, 135 calories burned. Not bad, and it didn't kill me, so I think I'll keep that up but raise the intensity.

I also think I need to stay away from baking treats for my wife. I made her some brownies, and I couldn't resist eating some. 

Damn baked sweets are my cryptonite.

Calories: -426

Burned: 3082

Steps: 1203

H2O: 40 oz

Weight: 268.0

015 Just Another Day

Yesterday: root canal. Jaw aches, but otherwise I'm in less pain than I've been since I don't know when. I can drink a glass of cold water without wincing in pain when it accidentally goes into the left side of my mouth.

Calories: -493
Burned: 2512
Steps: 2501
H2O: 32 oz
Weight: 268.6

014 Root Canals and Choosing Not to be Lazy

My wife said something a few months ago. She said we should "make the choice not to be lazy." She was talking about our day-to-day lives, where we were in the habit of doing things with the least effort possible.

Because of this lifestyle, I was to the point that getting off of the couch, or worse yet, off of the floor, was not only difficult, but painful. Each time I had to get down on the floor to be with the kids, I dreaded getting back up because my body felt like a sack full of potatoes and my legs made of lead.

After she said that, it sort of triggered an epiphany in me. I realized that I was choosing to be lazy every chance I got. I resolved to reverse this behavior, and choose against laziness instead. Get off of the couch and play with the kids, clean as soon as we were done playing, and in general, move around more. To measure the success of this new plan, I got a Fitbit Zip, just to see how much more I'm moving, and it's quite dramatic.

Better than watching my step count each day, though, is how my body feels. I can still tell I'm heavy, but my legs don't feel like anchors anymore, and getting off of the couch or floor doesn't hurt and make me grunt. I was able to play at the playground with my son, climbing ladders and sliding down slides, and even lifting my body weight with my arms a few times. So, not only am I getting more healthy, but my quality of life is improving as well.

As a reward for my reduced calorie intake, and my increased activity, my scale dipped below 270 for the first time today.

Calories: -1070
Burned: 2792
Steps: 4706
H2O: 32 oz
Weight: 269.2

(If you're interested in buying a Fitbit, please visit my sister-in-law's website and purchase it through her - she is an affiliate and it helps finance her own weight loss blog and website)

013 Lucky Day for a Dentist Visit

Headed to the dentist today to finally remedy my teeth. I have no insurance, no idea of how bad it's going to be, and no inkling of how expensive it will be. I also have mild dental phobia, and needle phobia, which means I'm dealing with all kinds of anxiety here. All I know is that my jaw and credit card are going to get a workout today.

Yesterday I went to the park with my son, and we ran around and played on slides and various playground equipment. For the first time since he's been old enough to go to the park, I got over my "what will other parents think of a fat dad sliding on slides behind his son" and just played with abandon. It as also the first time that I've had the energy to do so, rather than feeling like a lump of lumbering flesh.

I think that's a more important takeaway for the day than the number on the scale.

On to the numbers.

Calories: -786
Burned: 2854
Steps: 4729
H2O: 40 oz
Weight: 271.8

012 and Codeine Fun

I'm on penicillin and Tylenol 3 for tooth pain until Monday when I see my dentist. Plus I'm taking a probiotic each night before bed, just to make sure the penicillin doesn't get me going in an IBS way.

I love codeine, it makes my legs feel like a roller coaster ride just before you crest that big hill, warm and tingly, when it first kicks in. It does a really good job of taking the edge off of my pain, but it doesn't totally stop the pain, just makes it so I don't really care about it. It also has the downside of causing insomnia, because it gets my brain firing on a bunch of creative cylinders that have been missing spark plugs for months now.

Last night we made pizza bread. This morning I made pancakes from scratch. I just can't drive or climb ladders.

Calories: -432
Burned: 2626
Steps: 3799
H2O: 32 oz

011 A Numbers Game

I should be gaming the system. It's a pure numbers game: burn more calories than you put in - done; burn more calories than the sedentary lifestyle that got you here - not done.

I need to burn 1,000 more calories per day than my average in order to lose 2 pounds a week (7,000 calories = 3,500 calories per pound x 2 / 7 days). I'm barely breaking even with the sedentary lifestyle calorie burning. No wonder my weight is already plateauing instead of going down.

Calories: -85
Burned: 2640
Steps: 3325
H2O: 20 oz (hard to drink water with agonizing tooth pain = excuse)
Weight: 271.2

010 The Binary Change is Coming

The toothache continues. It's sort of beneficial in that it makes it so that nothing sounds good to eat. Maybe I should start a web fund drive: "Fix Brad's Teeth". I keep waiting for the pain to turn back off the way it always has before, but it's not. Quite depressing, as anyone with chronic pain can tell you.

Finally back down to 270, I hope it drops into the 260s next instead of fluctuating back up again.

Calories: -361

Burned: 2613

Steps: 3309

H2O: 24 oz

Weight: 270.4