Week 1, Day 4, Minor Scale Victory

I was going to wait until Sunday to weigh, giving the new #keto regimen time to do its work.

I couldn't resist, though, and weighed this morning.

I started at 292 lbs on Monday.

This morning I was 281 lbs.

It's water weight, but it's weight I was carrying around with me, making me feel like a balloon ready to pop. I can already feel the difference.

Keto On.

Week 1, Day 2, Research Mode

Day 2 - research mode.

I've been looking at various keto recipe websites. I've been reading the FAQ on the Reddit r/keto. I've used the macro calculator to get an idea of where I should be.

1902 kcal Daily Calorie Intake
25 g Carbs (5%, 100 kcal)
125 g Protein (26%, 500 kcal)
145 g Fat (69%, 1302 kcal)

That's not sustainable for me yet. I'm still trying to figure out where the carbs are hidden in my daily routine - like in my non-dairy sugar-free creamer, and in Splenda that I used to sweeten my tea - and root it out.

Surprising to me, hamburger seems to be high in carbs. At least that's what MyFitnessPal says.

Onwards and hopefully downwards ( in weight ).

Week 1, Day 1, #Ketogenic Lifestyle Reboot

Today marks the first day of my ketogenic journey.

Almost 4 years ago, I embarked on changing my eating habits and adopted the ketogenic lifestyle. For 4 months, I was successful, and I lost 40 lbs. Then, the holidays hit, and my resolve dissolved.

Today, I'm rebooting.

I'm not under 20 grams, but I am under 50 for the day so far.

I don't plan on blogging each day, but I'll update at least once a week.

Current Weight: 285lbs
Goal Weight: 190lbs

Kickstarting a New Ketogenic Phase

Hello.
I'm a husband, a dad, and addicted to carbs.

A few years ago, I tried the ketogenic diet. In 4 months I lost almost 40 lbs.

Then, autumn hit, and my mom started baking, and my resolve was dissolved in a flurry of butter cookies. I told myself "We'll just do a modified keto diet, just a few carbs added back in for fun." That was 60 lbs ago.

Since then, I've had some drastic events happen in my life. I contracted meningeoencephalitis which hospitalized me for 9 days. It left me with PTSD and some other harder to define mental deficits. I also, in the course of figuring out how my brain had changed due to that sickness, learned that I am bipolar. Looking back into my past, I can see the peaks and valleys of my manic-depressive cycle,  and my illness triggered the disorder to get an order of magnitude worse.

I'm medicated now, using Seroquel each day, so the effects of my bipolar disorder are less drastic, but it's also not been helpful for my willpower, for whatever reason. I tried just dropping candy from my life, and made it 21 days before I had cake. Then I made it a further 20 days - I didn't lose any weight while off sugar, so I became very disillusioned with the process - before I just quit and went back to my old habits.

I'm currently on the upwards side of 285 lbs. This is the heaviest I've been in my life. I feel it, physically, every minute of the day.

I get winded just tying my shoes.
I can't play physical games with my kids because I get too tired, or my lumbar goes out of whack.
If the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm bait.

So, I'm researching, and I'm planning, two things I barely did last time. Lack of variety was my undoing last time, so I won't make that same mistake.

Something else I didn't do last time was secure the support of my family. I started a diet that wasn't suitable for my wife or kids. This time, I want to have family-friendly menu choices that only require minor adjustments for me, and are still yummy and nutritious for my kids.

After making some lists, some menu plans, and purchasing the right foods for our kitchen, it'll be off again, seeking ketosis.

Kerbal Space Program Quick Start Guide (bonus post)

KSP Quick Start Guide

(or: lessons I've learned in the last 2 weeks of learning to play it)

Most Important things to remember:

1. You can always "Revert" a flight back to either the launch pad, or the hangar, depending on if it was a flight issue or a parts issue. 
2. You can always change the order of your staging, you don't have to revert to the hangar to do it. 
3. F5 for safety! Quicksave often, and without shame. 
1.  - F5 is Quicksave - F9 is Quick Reload (hold for 5 secs) T is for Stability Control (SAS) 
2.  - SAS requires either an AI probe with steering capability or a pilot Kerbal 
3.  - Pilots get better at SAS as they level up, eventually able to track things like Prograde/Retrograde and Maneuver Node markers on the Navball without your input 
4.  - The first probe with SAS capability is the one shaped like an octogon, the Sputnik one is just basic steering. 

Start Doing Science! 

1. Everything revolves around Science in either Science or Career mode 
2. You don't need more than the Goo pod to start doing science 
1.  - Scientists cannot steer the ship, but they can reset experiments 
2.  - Using a Probe to do SAS while you have a Scientist in the pilot seat will get you the best science results 
3.  - All Kerbals can do Crew Reports and EVA Reports. 
4.  - Do a Crew Report in every new biome (over water, in water, over beach, on beach, over grasslands, in grasslands, etc ad nauseum) 
3. Your first missions don't even require an engine to get science 
1.  - Build a mission using just a capsule and a Scientist in both the Launch and Space Plane facilities. 
2.  - Put one Goo pod on the capsule - change the rotation of the attachment points using WASDQE (shift and those keys for fine 5 degree movements) 
4. Start a mission at either the launch pad or landing strip facility: 
5. Do a crew report EVA and do an EVA report while hanging on the outside of the capsule Right-click the capsule and Take, then Store experiment data - your buffer is now clear to do more reports 
6. Spacebar to jump off of the capsule 
1. - WASDQE are your movement keys in all modes 
2. - R will turn on your jetpack (Kerbin's gravity is too high for it to work there) 
3. - Using the jetpack left Shift and Control are your Up and Down respectively 
4. - Once you're on the ground, do another EVA report, plant a flag (if available), take a surface sample (if available) 
5. - Walk back to your capsule and jump/climb back onto it 
6. - F for Climb/Grab, B for Board once you're grabbed onto it near the hatch Recover Craft (hover above the altitude indicator at the top of the screen to see recovery button) 
7. Profit 
8.  Repeat at the other facility 

First Launch 

1. Your first ship should be dead simple 
1. - Capsule with parachute mounted on top and heat shield mounted on bottom 
2. - Goo pod and at least one of each other science instrument you have 
3. - At least 3 fins for stabilization 
4. - One solid fuel rocket motor 
5. - Scientist in the pilot seat - you don't need SAS for this first flight 
2. Go to launch pad 
3. Verify your parachute is at the top of your staging stack and your engine is at the bottom, use the + and - buttons to add/remove stages 
4. Press space bar to launch 
5. Press D slightly to angle away from your base a couple of degrees 
1. - During later missions you don't want your spent stages crashing down on your base 
2. - Pressing D flies you to the East, which is Prograde to Kerbin's rotation, giving you almost 200 meters/sec of additional Delta V 
6. At the peak of your flight, when your velocity is below 250 m/s, pop your parachute 
1. - If you're above 500 meters, it will look like it's not fully deployed - this is normal 
2. - If you're travelling above 300 m/s your chute will be destroyed by aerodynamic forces 
7. Do a Crew Report and keep it if there is Science in it - you may be over the beach, grasslands, or even water biome at this point 
8. Do a Goo canister and ditto above 
9. Repeat your EVA steps from your first mission when you land every mission

This should be enough to get at least 2 maybe into the 3rd tier of Science in the Tech Tree, allowing for Orbit and even Mun missions.

I recommend focusing on the bottom branch with automation/computer/probes/science and the top branch with Fuel systems and motors having priority.

You also will want Struts from one of the middle construction branches as soon as you can get them.

Previous Post Was A Downer

Wow, that previous post got down in the dumps.

I went to the gym for the last two days, and I feel a lot better today.

On my drive into work this morning, I decided that I think I probably have Depression, and have for quite a long time, but have always called it other things - low self esteem, introvert, shyness, etc. I'm going to see my doctor in two weeks and get started on getting it diagnosed and treated.

My weight got up to 270 by the end of last week. I skipped the gym for the entire week.

Last night, my weight was 265.2, so I feel like I'm back on track.

Anxiety Attacks and Failed Willpower Throws

First things first: I failed my willpower throws all week last week. I ate sugar in mass quantities at work and at home. I did not go to the gym at all last week - which I justified each day with a challenging website build going on, and high stress levels over all.

Money was tight due to an attempted debit card sort of ID theft that threw stuff off, and poor planning, and a 2.5 week pay period because of how paydays fall compared to business days, etc. All told, we were scraping the bottoms of barrels we didn't ever want to touch.

Work was tough due to a new project requiring technical coding of stuff that I've never done before. Lots of Google and Stack Overflow searches there.

And, finally, my anxiety is getting the best of me during stressful times like this. It's causing insomnia and all of the subsets of issues that come with that. I'm averaging less than 5 hours of sleep per night, which is worrying me because lack of sleep is probably a prime contributor to the illness I got that caused this anxiety.

This morning I realized that the biggest knee-jello thoughts are when I think of the fact that I was feeling poorly, went to check into the hospital, and woke up 5 days later with no memory of anything in between those two events. The idea of feeling semi-ok, then waking up full of needles, catheters, and surrounded by family, and having only defeated the odds of dying by a narrow margin, terrifies me. I can't even watch shows that have hospital scenes without my legs feeling like pins-and-needles. (SPOILERS for watchers of "Wayward Pines": every time someone wakes up in the Wayward Pines hospital after an "accident" and I know it's centuries later, it just makes me feel like curling up in a ball somewhere).

I lost 5 days of my life to an illness. 5 days of my kids growing. 5 days of living with my wife. 5 days, just gone to the oblivion of heavy sedatives. But, more than that, I lost control of my mind and body, the only thing I can reliably count on most of the time. The idea that some of my brain might have changed, and I can't even tell, terrifies me every day.

It was only pneumonia and meningeal encephalitis. I survived, through medical science and caring hospital staff. I still have my facilities as far as I can tell, and I still have my family. But, now fear is a much larger component in my day-to-day life, and that's foreign to me.

I'm rambling, time to stop.